The paragraph rhythm and flow? It is a bit jarring. The sentences are much to short. You need
more diversity in sentence length. Maybe merge some of the describing sentences
to make it diverse. You should not do a lot of little sentences or a lot of
long sentences.
Which ideas are highlighted as most important? The shorter
the sentence, the more it pops and makes an impact. Like the beginning
sentence, "My Gran in my hero." it would make a bigger impact if it
were the shorter sentence.
Since we can't rely on that to find the most important ideas
we will instead look for repeated ideas. Like the fact the grandmother loved to
learn.
The underlying theme is "She is brilliant, curious, and
intelligent." The least important would be about when she left home and
moved. Those aren't repeated and are just bits of information.
The ideas are connected alright.The parts like "She had
a beautiful family." takes away from the original idea, but not enough to
mess up the passage.
How would I improve it? I would lengthen some sentences to
add variety.