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s2008m [1.1K]
3 years ago
14

Can someone plzzzzz help me on this poem, can you tell me if you like it, what emotions are there, and what you would add to mak

e it better:
Burnt Tears:
When that new life was brought down, wrapped into a present,
You did not even give it a chance to see it,
you ignored it.
As she grew you taught her whatever you desired, from her language to her clothes.
When she was 7, she was spotted by a predator and became his prey,
You saw her tears, yet you did not take a chance to ask “what wrong child.”
Everyday you gave your love to your boys, and kept her exiled
When she was 9, she insisted on not going to school,
So you grabbed her by her roots and threw her out the place you call “home”
She turned 10, and taught herself modesty
And you did not even give her support nor even smile
She had big dreams that were killed by no one else but you,
Because at 15 you grabbed her hand and threw it into another man’s hand and locked them with chains,
Even though she told you she did not want him,
But you were blinded by your pride, honour and respect.
So she made the biggest decision of her life,
To end it,
To remove the burden of her that was on you
To forever burn those tears,
And her soul now whispers into your ear, “Are you happy now, father?”
English
1 answer:
MatroZZZ [7]3 years ago
8 0
<span>If I like it:
Yes, I like this poem. It seems/feels so intimate, yet somehow I feel connected to the character.

What emotions are there:

I believe the emotions a reader would feel would be sorrow, pity, despair, grief and helplessness because he/she has no power to help the abused.

What I would add to make it better: 
I probably wouldn't, perhaps start posting it publicly to sites like 'Wattpad', to get a wider perspective from public comments.</span>
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