Okay, lets see what we can do here:
There was a brown colored rose pup with a coat of silk. -> There was a brown rose pup coated with silk. The sentence you used made it seem to long.
The other had a touch of fur like wire, that statically I froze.
What was that felting feeling that felt so dreamy though brittle seeming? -> This does not make sense. Lets try: What was this dreamy feeling though brittle seeming that overwhelmed me so? This sound better, I also like how you used "though brittle seeming"
It was a glorious Sunday, these two pups came to me.
Mid June I remember, Father’s Day it seemed to be.
It was dreadfully hot(,) like the tears of the sun crying onto my face. -> Nice use of a similie.
Water the two craved, food for they would pace.
Their breed was unidentifiable, but sisters they surely were.
Yes they were mutts, mutts o’Gradys! But of course still such little ladies.
~~~~~~~~~~~
My heart was flourishing I cared for them nourishingly. -> My heart flourished for I cared for them nourishingly.
I pleaded with Papa! I needed to have these little pups.
He told me I could call these fine pups mine, though outside they must sleep for I understood deeply. -> He told me I could call these fine pups mine, though outside they must sleep. Eliminate "for I understood deeply"
Days, weeks, months, on end we played never thinking it would ever end.
We carried a lasting love.
I learned how to love and care, where the air lifted me with happiness. -> I learned how to love and care, so long as the air lifted me with happiness.
A brown colored rose pup, a pup with wire like fur, and I played and played and played, the two looked at me with shimmering glass like eyes of amber, oh the love we had for each other!
Until pain and illness took my Carlie, a love who owned a coat of wire like fur away.
A year we spent together, just a puppy, only 18 months old. -> Only 18 months old, we spent a year together, just as the puppy he was.
A time I will never forget, memories that will forever be kept.
A time that was put on hold.
Roxie, a brown colored rose pup with a coat of silk waits for you to come home, how to make her understand I will never know.. Life wouldn’t be the same, I already knew.
What’s a life without Roxie, me, and you? -> There is no "me and you" without Roxie in my life.
Oh how I miss that wire coated fur.
We loved you until it was over, oh but sweet girl, we love you still.
Lord how it drove such sorrow and pain.
You taught me to love and how to grieve, no one said it was to be easy, but Carlie, I can’t see through the rain.
Like thunder and lightning, everywhere I turn, your memory strikes me at random, my heart burns.
~~~~~~
To Carlie, I love you
To Carlie I pray..
“Goodbye Carlie girl, I love you” tears rolled down my cheeks, she was no longer in pain, I hugged her as this would be the last time I’d ever see her. -> “Goodbye Carlie girl, I love you” I confess as tears stain my face. She was no longer in pain, I hugged her as this is the last time I’ll ever see her.
This is a overall really good poem, but I don't feel that it ended exactly with a resolution.. The goal was to present a problem and end it with a reolution, I don't see how the lost of Roxie is a resolution. Forgive me if I don't understand it, but I still really liked it!
