I would love for someone to review my essay. It is on a very serious topic, it is from my point of view, and I want to know what
you think about the structure of the essay and what I should fix about it. Please don't hold back, I really want the constructive criticism.
Week 1
It was easy to go there. It was easy to open the package and patiently wait. What was hard was the reality of the situation. A wave of emotions started to go through me that neither my mind or body could comprehend. I had a million thoughts but I couldn’t keep track of all of them. I pictured what my future might look like, and it was anything but bright.
The summer was coming close to an end when my parents started to become distant. Or maybe I became distant with them. I could trust my dad but my mom was like something broken that was fixed only with duct tape. She would leave when she felt like it. She flew to Mexico without warning, took the car to San Francisco or Vegas, leaving me to walk my brother to the train every morning. She was never there for me when I needed her, especially now. I used the label on the box to figure out tampons because I didn’t have anybody to ask. Every moment in my life that I needed my mom I had to go to my dad. I wonder what might’ve been if she had been there for me, maybe I still wouldn’t be paying off the debts of my surgery. Maybe none of this would have ever happened.
Week 2
I went straight to my best friend the second I knew. She stared with fear at first, but then wrapped my in a hug and told me I was going to get through this. I had to tell my parents. I had to tell Daniel - yet I barely had the strength to admit it to myself. I shared two years with Daniel. Two year of happiness, two years of laughter, two year of comfort and warmth. I talked to him about his dad who abandoned him, and he talked about the absence of my mom. We were there for each other when our parents couldn’t be. I miss sneaking through the garage and listening to music as we sat on the beach and watched the sun go down. I told myself that I would tell him but deep down I knew that I would never be able to. It told my parents easily knowing that I would only see disappointment in their eyes and not sympathy. I now recognize that I found all of my happiness from Daniel and my best friend. I wonder what might’ve been if either one was still here to talk to me.
Week 3
I got the abortion on a Tuesday. I left the hospital on a Friday. I had one visit from my dad to give me money for food. Otherwise I sat alone in the bleach white room. The fluorescent light gave me a headache, and I became bored with the endless commercials of the hospital room’s television. When I left I had about a hundred text messages. I ignored half of them. I told Daniel that my phone had been broken and I told Lulu I needed some time to think.
We were to leave on Sunday, it was Saturday. I went to Daniel first, and we walked to the ledge and admired the cityscape and the quiet waves of the lake in front of us. The sky was dark but the highway buzzed with traffic, and the lights of the skyscrapers made everything look bright. We sat quietly as I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt like nothing had happened in his presence. Something about his strength and steadiness made me forget everything. I had failed to tell him about what happened, and still wonder if I should have today. I left after kissing him goodbye, and when he dropped me off I let a few tears come out when I turned my back. I found that I was angry at myself for letting this happen. I went back to my best friend to say one last goodbye. Nothing had hurt me more than leaving her, she was my partner in life and had helped me get through everything I’ve ever had trouble with. She sat on the train on the way to my house. We listened to music together as always and cried on the way home. As I walked away from her everything felt completely wrong. I was leaving everything that I knew, everything I’ve been through. I wanted to talk to my dad, I wanted to sit with him and have him tell me that everything was ok. But for the first time, he wasn’t there for me. I wonder what life would be like now - if I were happy. What might’ve been.
