Question

I need help with written communication personal narrative

Answer 1

God this is breathtaking and painful to read at the same time. It’s beautiful let me tell you. I think everything is good but you could make it so much better. The writing is out of focus in some sentences and the ideas seem to jump around. You need a constant structure through the whole story. For example:

“Some deal with emotional, mental, and even physical disturbances within one self. When I was only 16 years of age, two days after my birthday in the year 2002 I found myself saddened by my grandmother’s death. The doctor told my family members and me that grandma wasn’t going to make it through and recover like we had thought. What seems saddening is that I was the last person to know of this horrendous news. I suppose my family was trying to protect me by shielding my eyes to the truth of the matter.”

This is a small fracture of your story but transformed in a way that the ideas flow more smoothly. If you want me to keep editing this story for you I’d be happy to help :)