Well for example if you had a cow girl in new york that wouldn´t work unless she is new to the city...if you had a famous person in the 1600´s she would not be dressed like katy perry or kim exc.
In general you want to be a bit more concise in forming a thesis statement. Usually you should shoot for between 1 and 2 sentences summarizing your argument in a concise way so that it is easily understandable to the reader. I would take what you have written and look for your main argument and try and put that in 1 to 2 sentences.
