Question

Please give me an opinion on this essay?

Answer 1

I like it a lot!! Tho I think there may be a little bit too much commas but that is just my opinion, either way good job!! (Like in the first paragraph I don’t think you need a comma after the words “collide”, “tall” also no and after the word “responsibility”, keep the comma tho so it’s like “responsibility, there are a” etc...
in the second, no comma after after “band concerts” and a period after conductor. Then start the next sentence with “By second grade..” No comma after “in advance” and no comma after “it is” and just have it be “it is in reality, everything but”
In the third paragraph, no comma after “High School”
No comma after “necessary”
No comma after “freshman”
In the fourth, put a period after crowd and start the next sentence with “As a potential drum..”
no comma after “I see true talent in every member” and put a comma after individual and lowercase “this”
The rest seems good! Also this is just how I do commas and stuff so I hope this helped!!)

Answer 2

In my oping this came out ver settle and and i think you got your point across.