Question

Which sentence should be revised to include vivid imagery? The walnut clock's little brass pendulum gleamed, flicking back and forth with each second. "I am never using red paint again," Shula muttered, slapping a sixth, streaky coat onto the wall. She opened the curtain and looked through the window before shutting it immediately. Pungent sweat dribbled into Jana's eyes as she ran, making them sting and itch.

Answer 1

She opened the curtain and looked through the window before shutting it immediately.

This sentence should be revised to include vivid imagery. Imagery is the creation of an image in the reader's mind through words. Every reader creates his/her own image from the words on the page. The more vivid the imagery the more the image the reader creates is similar to the image other readers create. In this sentence, we don't know how she opened the curtain: quickly, slowly, impatiently, secretly. We don't know if the window is clean or dirty. We don't know what the curtain looks like or how heavy it is. All of these details could be added to create a more vivid image.

Answer 2

I believe that ‘She opened the curtain and looked through the window before shutting it immediately’ would be the one open for revision, as it doesn’t exactly lay out much of an setting and image for the reader to imagine, as imagery should.