I would suggest working on word choice, since you used the same words many times in the essay.
That is the answer. :)
Angela Duckworth was teaching math when she noticed something intriguing: The most successful students weren’t always the ones who displayed a natural aptitude; rather, they displayed something she came to think of as grit. Later, as a graduate student in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, she defined the term — a combination of passion and perseverance for a singularly important goal — and created a tool to measure it: the “grit scale,” which predicted outcomes like who would graduate from West Point or win the National Spelling Bee. As a result of this work, Dr. Duckworth was named a MacArthur “genius” in 2013, and the notion of grit has become widely known. Her new book, “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance,”
Well a modern day pilgrimage doesn't go away because tourists travel all over the world to see the religious shrines; no matter what religion they are in. However,pilgrimages are unreal in today's secular society because tourists are not taking them seriously; they are enjoying the tours the pilgrimages first hand yet they are not experiencing it more traditionally. Back in the day, religious pilgrimages were enclosed to the public because they are very sacred and holy. In modern times, people visit the pilgrimages not to be spiritually awake but to be watchers; just looking with awe hope this helps :)
