Question

Can someone read over my story and let me know about errors? My teacher wants a personal essay and these are parts of my life over the past couple years. Thanks!
(For those who are in my hangouts inbox, I didn't mean to but I whipped out my account last night without knowing, so I need your emails again.)


About two years ago, December 2016. I can remember it clear as day, my parents were having a distribute but I didn't know what it was about. The morning after, I had found out that mom had cheated on dad with another guy! When this was found out I was scared, depressed, stressed, etc. When I finally met who she was seeing I couldn't believe my eyes!

She was seeing one of the richest people in South Carolina! I got so mad. My first though was, "Did mom leave dad for someone with money?". With this though running in my head I was furious. I couldn't believe my eyes, what was I seeing?

Then around June, I moved in with this "Boyfriend" of hers. Come to find out he's abusive and likes to mistreat people when under his roof in his house. I would come home to my mom crying with broken bones and/or brusies. I got so upset...my dad never done this! I don't know how to handle it. (I didn't handle it well).

The fights grew and grew and finally, I was done, I felt done. I mentally couldn't do it. I then locked myself in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror crying...."what have I done?" I have a pill bottle open in-front of me, ready for me to take all pills and just die. And that's exactly what I did.

August 12th my birthday of last year, I woke up in the hospital and learned my lungs and kidney collasped on me. I had a kidney transplant and was hooked up to a stablizer. (For those who don't know what a stabalizer is, it is a tube that goes into your mouth to give you oxygen.) I wasn't breathing on my own...

It's sad how one can think about take their own life without realizing the harm that they've done. I've learned my lesson...

Answer 1

you put "through" instead of "thought" in the 3rd paragraph in the 3rd sentence

Answer 2

I don't see anything wrong with it. and all those things really happened???