In general you want to be a bit more concise in forming a thesis statement. Usually you should shoot for between 1 and 2 sentences summarizing your argument in a concise way so that it is easily understandable to the reader. I would take what you have written and look for your main argument and try and put that in 1 to 2 sentences.
Answer:
If you invented a time machine—where would you go? Any place, time, etc.
Explanation: My reason for asking this is that in the comments, we’re going to work out this essay business. Please let me know in the comments how many paragraphs you have to have.
Here’s some ideas to help you on what to write about:
1. Describe what you are involved in, clubs, sports, hobbies, etc!
2. Tell your principal about your accomplishments
3. Tell your principal about your goals and how you plan to accomplish them
