I need to know if this is using correct dialogue, along with no grammar mistakes. Also, I need to know if I use the correct tens
es, it is supposed to be in past tense, but I don't know if I did it correctly. I know it is long but it is very much appreciated if you could help.
Sixth grade had just started, there were just two months until the big battle will happen at the end of October.
“Until then it’s focus on school work,” I told myself, but I couldn’t focus.
That battle was cemented in my head, all I could do was think about that battle. I still remember socializing with all of my friends about it, telling them how excited I was for when that day comes. Then finally, those two months were up, and I was so hyped when I had awoken until I found out that the battle had been postponed. I was so somber, I had been so eager to hear the results and now I have to wait; Now I have to wait another 3 months until the end of January for the battle to even happen, and who knows it could be postponed again. I figured there is some time before the battle happens so I will just focus on school and what I needed to get accomplished. I had completely forgotten about the battle, I had gone two months already focusing on my school work that I didn’t have time to think about the battle. Even during Winter Break when there was no school, I still didn't remember the battle, not even a glimpse in my mind.
Until, the night before the battle at dinner my dad stood up and he said, “No matter what happens tomorrow, just know that I love you!”
When that thought entered my mind, I couldn’t eat anymore and that night it was hard to fall asleep. There was so much nervous energy happening inside my body that I just could not doze off, no matter how hard I tried.
I was up that night praying, praying to God saying, “My lord and savior, please oh please do whatever it takes to win that battle.”
The next morning school was even harder to focus on that day, I couldn’t think straight my mind was only thinking about the battle that was going on, while I was stuck at school.
I thought to myself, “How is it going? Did my prayers work? What is the outcome?”
I just had to know, so once that bell rang for my sixth period to be over, I had to discover the results as soon as possible. Forgetting about my brother at the school, I sprinted home, as fast as it takes a person to look something up on google. Then when I got to the front door of my house I realized I had forgotten my brother at the school. So I ran back down to the school to get him. Once we came marching through that front door my dad was right there and he made us both settle ourselves down on the couch. He had that look on his face, the look of disappointment, the look of defeat. I couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or if he was really serious and we had lost the battle.
Then, he said the same thing as the night before, “No matter what happens, just know that I love you!”
He was building up suspense, I was thinking to myself, “C’mon dad that is it, tell me I want to know, please tell me, hurry!”
He said, “Boys…” then he stopped talking;
He started to weep, tears were running down his face. Then my step-mom came in the house holding a box. What could it be? She came over to the couch that my brother and I were sitting on and she opened the box very slowly in front of us. Then, it finally opened, inside the box, there was a chocolate cake and written on it in blue frosting on the top of it, it said, “Congratulations Jeremiah and Austin, we won!” The moment I had been waiting for since the first day of school finally happened and the result pleased me. My father had just won custody of my brother and me, and we couldn’t be any more delighted and joyous. We were so excited that we were bawling our eyes out; those tears of joy were a very special moment of my life, that I will hold onto forever. To this day I still live with my father and it has been the best 4 years of my life, and I couldn’t be any happier.
