Question

Hi,

Answer 1

Corrected:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

I am writing to you to apply for a job as a dog walker.

I am 14 years old and I am a student at Stevens school in Manchester. I also love animals, especially since I own three dogs, two cats and a rabbit.

I am going to study to become a veterinary doctor because it is my ambition.

Last summer, I worked for four weeks at the shop "Toutounet" and another four weeks I had spent working at the spa, which I enjoyed.

I walk my neighbour's dog everyday because she is elderly. I am a kind person so I enjoy meeting people.

My phone number is (020) 85541254 and my mobile number is 077765015841,

Yours sincerely, (if you know Mrs Murray, if not, put Yours Faithfully)

{insert your name}

Answer 2

This is how I would write it:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
I am writing to apply for a job as a dog walker. I am 14 years old and I am a student at Stevens school. I just adore animals. I have three cats, two dogs and a rabbit, which makes me experienced in animal care. I live in Manchester and the hours I can work are all day on weekends. Last summer I worked for four weeks at the shop "Toutounet"' and four other weeks at the spa. I enjoyed working there, but I would rather work with animals because someday I would like to study to become a veterinary, for that is my ambition. Every night, I walk the dog of my neighbor because she is elderly and not able to do much. I am a nice person and I love meeting people. My phone number is (020) 855-412-54 and my mobile number is 077765015841. I hope to see you and your dog soon!
Yours sincerely, 
Pandamille