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gtnhenbr [62]
2 years ago
7

In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words,

rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar. Growing flowers is one of my happiest childhood memories. Gardening offers more than a way for kids to have fun. There are many things to gain from working with plants outside. It is unfortunate that many people feel too busy to garden. More people should take a chance with gardening to see what they can create. I am glad I learned to grow plants when I was a kid
English
1 answer:
KengaRu [80]2 years ago
5 0
The paragraph is missing a period at the end.
Since "Growing flowers is one of my happiest childhood memories." is the topic sentence, then the rest of the paragraph should be supporting THAT statement.
The topic sentence is not necessarily a HOOK, more like a regular statement. A good hook would be something including a sound, a question, or using descriptive words.
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She pushed me down to the dirt and forcefully shoved one foot onto my chest— pushing me down as I struggle to get up like a fish out of water. She smiled kindly at me and continued to push me down as I writhe under her touch. Her smile was warm, but as she watched me struggle helplessly, a dark, sadistic shadow graced her elegant visage.

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She roughly shoved me further onto the ground. Tears were threatening to leak from the corners of my eyes. She was too strong. A beginner demon slayer like me could never beat her. No, thinking like this would never get me anywhere.

Glaring at her with sheer determination, I use all my strength to push her off and get back up on my feet. I spat out some blood that was dribbling onto my chin. Its metallic flavor feuling my anger and will power.

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I run with all my strength and slice. I don’t know what I sliced. But it felt important to me.

I open my eyes. There I see an insect hashira smiling at me as her half of her mask falls apart and shatters to the ground. The other half soon follows and hits the dirt. The fragile material of the mask shining in the grace of the moon.

I look up at the sky. It’s midnight. How long had we been fighting?

I look back at Shinobu in shock. She smiles kindly, this time, with true genuine happiness for me.

“Congratulation, my child.” She bowed respectfully. I quickly answered back with another bow. “You have passed the exam.”

Hi! This is Aislaaaa here! This is my short story that I wrote in the middle of math class lol im rlly bored so this was a good way to pass time. Hope you like it! This is heavily referenced by the anime demon slayer btw

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