Question

Hi, can someone read this and give me their opinion and let me know if there are any errors? And if the ending is good or if i should change it.
Short Story

Fifteen days ago, an estimated 99% of America's population had been killed by a deadly virus. At first, the virus spread slowly with a few cases showing up around the country. Doctors believed it was some sort of pneumonia-like disease. Symptoms of the infected started with coughing of blood but began to get worse, they began to blister and have discoloration of the skin. It wasn’t until people started dying that the public became aware. Not everyone who died from this disease or virus stayed like that. After only a few minutes they up again but they didn’t do anything only wondered and stared blankly. They were dead but alive. More and more cases began to pop up, but doctors didn’t know how to treat it, hell they didn’t even know what it was. Of course, it didn’t take long for conspiracy theorists to take to the internet. “The government is poisoning us. They wanted this to happen!” and “It’s an ancient parasite that was unleashed from melting ice caps in the arctic.” Others thought it might somehow be psychological. Scientist began forcing families to sign over the infected so they could use them as lab rats as part of their goal to “acquire” a cure. Eventually, they did, or so they thought. They began setting up arrangements of stands across big cities where you could get a vaccine. They used fear to trick people into taking the vaccine and when people get scared, they do stupid things. It didn’t take long after getting the “vaccine” for people to start dropping like flies.

I was on my way home from work when it happened. Everyone began dropping and crashing their vehicles. From what I could see I was the only one who didn’t become infected. Most of the roads were blocked by either abandoned or crashed cars. I was only a mile or so away from my house, so I began to walk home. I don’t think I saw a single live thing on my way home. After I got to my house, I turned on the tv to see what was happening but there was nothing, just one emergency channel that played over and over “DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME”. I began to worry for my sanity “Why am I so calm” I thought but that’s when it hit me, everyone I cared about was outside God knows where. “Are they alive like me or…” I couldn’t control my thoughts any more a wave of emotion came over me. I sobbed for hours until I passed out. For the following few days I did as the emergency channel said and I stayed in my home, but I began to run out of food and water, I didn’t have much of that to start with. I was more concerned with paying my mortgage than what I was going to eat that night. I looked out my window, probably for the eighth time that day, and just as they had before bodies began to rise and as badly as I wanted to go out and talk to someone, I knew it wasn’t smart. Another few days passed; the bodies still blankly wandered through the streets. I was on my last can of food if that’s what you could even call it, it was just blueberry pie mix that I have had since I moved in. Somehow staying here and doing nothing was exhausting. I knew that it was time to go out look for some food and maybe possible survivors like me. I packed a bag and headed out.

The bodies just watched but quickly lost interest. What the hell is going on I thought. I began to raid a gas station near my house, but it didn’t have much. Anything refrigerated was bad all that was left were chips and energy drinks. I quickly loaded up the leftover space in my bag and was ready to get the hell out of there. I began walking back but once I saw my house, I became sick to my stomach. “I can’t go back, I can’t go back” I repeated in my head over. I needed to go find out what was happening and why it isn’t happening to me.

Answer 1

Answer:

The story is okay, but there are a few errors.

Explanation:

First off, i think the story should have started with an opening like this: "I woke up groggy and disoriented, staring blankly at the line of words on the otherwise blank TV screen, and for a moment, I thought it was just a particularly bad nightmare, the results of a long right of irresponsible drinking.

But I closed my eyes again and sweet oblivion fled, the nightmarish events of the last fifteen days came back to me with clarity. The virus. The deadly virus that wiped out 99% of the American population, and for all I know, all of humanity. It all started....", and then continue your narrative from there, make the reader feel like they are the narrator.

Also, your sentences are much too short, there are a few spelling and grammatical errors too.

You have the makings of an interesting story but its poorly written. I suggest you review the story and rewrite it taking into consideration the points I outlined above.

Answer 2

Answer:it’s is very good and interesting

Explanation:

I think the story says enough detail and it’s fun up t read very good