Question

What is needed to improve this story? This is write a story about a red blood cell trveling through the circulatory system with a Jamaican accent.
Hey. What go on, mon? I’m a red blood cell, much like the ones in your own circulatory system. I’m going to tell you all about my journey through the “river of life”. It’s a personal story, mon, so clean your ears out. . It all started at the old ticker, it seemed like the normal journey that we’d traveled oh so many times before. I, like all the other red blood cells, was thrilled to play such an important role; carrying life through this vast system is an honor!
We could start where I was, and all red blood cells are, produced, in the heads of long bones –in bone marrow- but that’s too far back, you know what I mean mon?
So first, we will start this story by telling what happened after we entered the Right Atrium as deoxygenated blood -and mon, I remember, I felt like a waste bucket, from all that carbon dioxide I had picked up from the cells going through cellular respiration, weighing me down- where we then traveled through the Right Ventricle and the Pulmonary Artery to the Lungs. Once in the Lungs, we pack up as much oxygen as we could carry, and might I remind you that the oxygen binds to the hemoglobin in the blood. It has been said many of times, many of ways, but what you choose to believe is up to you. I, however, believe that at the same one time as we are traveling through our system the oxygen is going through its own, filing in through the nose, where it gets filtered and moistened. From the nose through the Pharynx (throat) to the Larynx, this contains the vocal cords. From the Larynx through the Trachea, where food and water is separated from oxygen, and on through the large tubes called Bronchi to the Lungs, where the oxygen is packed into tiny sacs called alveoli. It’s the truth, mon! After we gather the oxygen, it’s back to the heart for us. This pathway, we call it Pulmonary circulation.

Answer 1

carrying life through this vast system is an honor! We could start where I was, and all red blood cells are, produced, in the heads of long bones –in bone marrow- but that’s too far back, you know what I mean mon? So first, we will start this story by telling what happened after we entered the Right Atrium as deoxygenated blood -and mon, I remember, I felt like a waste bucket, from all that carbon dioxide I had picked up from the cells going through cellular respiration, weighing me down- where we then traveled through the Right Ventricle and the Pulmonary Artery to the Lungs. Once in the Lungs, we pack up as much oxygen as we could carry, and might I remind you that the oxygen binds to the hemoglobin in the blood. It has been said many of times, many of ways, but what you choose to believe is up to you. I, however, believe that at the same one time as we are traveling through our system the oxygen is going through its own, filing in through the nose, where it gets filtered and moistened. From the nose through the Pharynx (throat) to the Larynx, this contains the vocal cords. From the Larynx through the Trachea, where food and water is separated from oxygen, and on through the large tubes called Bronchi to the Lungs, where the oxygen is packed into tiny sacs called alveoli. It’s the truth, mon! After we gather the oxygen, it’s back to the heart for us. This pathway, we call it Pulmonary circulation.