Question

EDITORS!! I need your help in editing my essay. I haven't finished all the way but I need help correcting and giving my paper flow since I have so much trouble writing my paper.
PROMPT:
Write a narrative essay about a person you consider to be a hero. Share an experience that shows what you admire about that person and what impact he or she had on you.
ESSAY:
My grandfather, Erico Barrera Senior, is a father figure who I consider to be a true hero. My grandpa is an amazing man who is a hero with characteristics such as being supportive, having integrity, and being selfless. Throughout my life, my grandfather has always been someone I look up to and admire. Many experiences that I have had with my grandpa have shaped my life as well as my growth as a human being.
My grandfather has always watched over me and supported me throughout my growing years filling my life with amazing skills and characteristics I am proud to have today. I have always looked up to him as someone who is valiant and who deserves to be treated with respect because of the things he’s done for his family and friends. The experiences I have with my grandpa are ones I cherish every day; such as my grandfather waking me up every single day before pre-school to take me out to eat bean and cheese tacos at his favorite restaurant for breakfast on the way to my 30-minute long drive to school and having him teach me how to cut wood with an ax. He and my grandma always and took care of me while my mother worked day and night to support the family. My grandfather has raised 7 children and 20+ grandchildren into strong, intelligent, hard-working, determined people who know their worth. He sacrificed his time, energy, materials, etc. to raise his family into who they are today.
A recent experience that has positively affected my life is being taught how to start a real fire by my grandfather. After being seriously injured from falling on the ground, my grandfather is left immobile and as a very active person who is constantly creating things, improving things, and moving constantly, my family has to actively tell him not to pick things up or do certain things to prevent him from hurting himself further. One of my grandpa’s favorite things to do before bed is to drink a beer and settle by a burning fire with mesquite wood-burning next to him to keep the mosquitoes away.
“I need help starting a fire.” My grandpa proclaimed.
“Okay abuelito.” I responded. “Tell me what to do and how and I’ll do it.” My grandfather then began to explain how to start a fire in his traditional clay chiminea with hand made carvings all over.
“First, you get pieces of newspaper from under the wooden cabinets and crumple them into balls which you’re going to through into the chiminea opening; then, you’re going to go to our woodpile and break off small branches and put those along with the newspapers. Afterward, you’re going to grab a fresh piece of wood and cut into it with an ax, soak the wood in lighter fluid, and then use the firestarter to start a traditional fire.” My grandfather said with no hesitation as I began towards the wooden cabinets which held the six-month-old newspaper.

any help is deeply appreciated but I really need direction and correction for a good grade thank you so much

Answer 1

Answer:

My grandfather, Erico Barrera Senior, is a father figure who I consider to be my true hero. My grandpa is a hero with amazing characteristics such as: being supportive, having integrity, and always being selfless. Throughout my life, my grandfather has always been someone I look up to and admired. Many experiences that I have had with my grandpa have shaped my life as well as my growth as a human being.

My grandfather has always watched over me and supported me throughout my growing years, filling my life with amazing skills and characteristics I am proud to have today. I have always looked up to him as someone who is valiant and who deserves to be treated with respect because of the things he’s done for his family and friends. The experiences I have with my grandpa are ones I cherish every day; such as my grandfather waking me up every single day before pre-school to take me out to eat bean and cheese tacos at his favorite restaurant for breakfast on the way to my 30-minute long drive to school and having him teach me how to cut wood with an ax. He and my grandma always and took care of me while my mother worked day and night to support the family. My grandfather has raised 7 children and 20+ grandchildren into strong, intelligent, hard-working, determined people who know their worth. He sacrificed his time, energy, materials, etc. to raise his family into who they are today.

A recent experience that has positively affected my life is being taught how to start a real fire by my grandfather. After being seriously injured from falling on the ground, my grandfather is left immobile and as a very active person who is constantly creating things, improving things, and moving constantly, my family has to actively tell him not to pick things up or do certain things to prevent him from hurting himself further. One of my grandpa’s favorite things to do before bed is to drink a beer and settle in by a burning fire with mesquite wood-burning next to him to keep the mosquitoes away.

“I need help starting a fire.” My grandpa proclaimed.

“Okay abuelito,” I responded. “Tell me what to do and how and I’ll do it.” My grandfather then began to explain how to start a fire in his traditional clay chiminea with hand made carvings all over.

“First, you get pieces of newspaper from under the wooden cabinets and crumple them into balls which you’re going to through into the chiminea opening; then, you’re going to go to our woodpile and break off small branches and put those along with the newspapers. Afterward, you’re going to grab a fresh piece of wood and cut into it with an ax, soak the wood in lighter fluid, and then use the firestarter to start a traditional fire.” My grandfather said with no hesitation as I began towards the wooden cabinets which held the six-month-old newspaper.

Explanation:

My Grading Overall score: 86%

499 words in the essay

clarity, delivery, and correctness of the essay are all good to go!

the engagement can be improved (i didn't do it because i dont know much about your grandfather)

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

My granddad, Erico Barrera Senior, is a dad figure who I consider to be a genuine saint. My grandpa is an astonishing man who is a saint with attributes, for example, being strong, having honesty, and being sacrificial. For an incredible duration, my granddad has consistently been somebody I turn upward to and appreciate. Numerous encounters that I have had with my grandpa have formed my life just as my development as a person.

My granddad has consistently looked out for me and upheld me all through my developing years filling my existence with astounding aptitudes and attributes I am glad to have today. I have consistently admired him as somebody who is valiant and who has the right to be treated with deference due to the things he's accomplished for his loved ones. The encounters I have with my grandpa are ones I value each day, for example, my granddad awakening me each and every prior day pre-school to take me out to eat bean and cheddar tacos at his preferred café for breakfast while in transit to my 30-minute lengthy drive to class and having him show me how to cut wood with a hatchet. He and my grandmother consistently and dealt with me while my mom worked day and night to help the family. My granddad has brought up 7 kids and 20+ grandkids into solid, insightful, dedicated, decided individuals who know their value. He relinquished his time, vitality, materials, and so on to raise his family into who they are today.

An ongoing encounter that has emphatically influenced my life is being instructed how to light a genuine fire by my granddad. In the wake of being truly harmed from falling on the ground, my granddad is left stable and as an extremely dynamic individual who is continually making things, improving things, and moving continually, my family needs to effectively advise him not to get things or do certain things to keep him from harming himself further. One of my grandpa's preferred activities before bed is to drink a lager and settle by a consuming fire with mesquite wood-consuming close to him to fend the mosquitoes off.

"I need assistance lighting a fire." My grandpa declared.

"Alright abuelito." I reacted. "Guide me and how and I'll do it." My granddad at that point started to disclose how to light a fire in his customary dirt chiminea with hand made carvings everywhere.

"To start with, you get bits of paper from under the wooden cupboards and fold them into balls which you're going to through into the chiminea opening; at that point, you will go to our heap of wood and sever little branches and put those alongside the papers. A short time later, you're going to snatch a new bit of wood and cut into it with a hatchet, absorb the wood lighter liquid, and afterward utilize the firestarter to light a conventional fire." My granddad said with no dithering as I started towards the wooden cupboards which held the half year old paper.


Here you go! Took a while so I hope you like it :)