Question

This is my argument essay plz read it and tell me how it is also I am not done with it. Do pageants show a woman's true beauty? Pageants are too exploitative because pageants utilize the standard that judges and society have given to the definition of beauty. Most pageants these days promote low self-esteem, force women into specific demographics, and send the wrong message.
Many Pageants focus on makeup, hair, gowns, swimsuit modeling, and personal interviews. Even though all that makeup they still might not feel beautiful. A study made by Statistic Brain Research saw that 8 of 10, 10-year-old girls that have been in pageants in the U.S. have been on a diet. Forty-two percent of the girls who were on a diet wanted to be thinner. People who entered into pageant claimed that they are only there because they want to feel love and beautiful but, sometimes they feel less of themself and try to change themself hoping it will make them loved and beautiful

Answer 1

Love the entire thing! Great structure, just fix the grammar in the part that says “even though all that makeup....”. Instead say something like “despite all the makeup they wear”. Hope this helps :D