Question

Hi! I just wrote an SSAT Essay in 25 minutes, will you review it for me and give advice?

Answer 1

Answer:

First off, you are an excellent writer! Below are my suggestions and changes made to your essay. I have rephrased your sentences and points.

Please Note: I am in middle school so my corrections may not be the best.

Happy learning!

--Applepi101

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Community Service: Making it Voluntary

Written by: _________

Growing up, my parents have taught my brother and I to give back to the community we grew up in. This was seen as a "wholesome act" or "doing good" for the area around us, but forcing adolescents to perform these noble services is not at all seen as something worthwhile, but a burden and a chore in order for kids to pass high school. I believe that students should not be required to complete 60 hours of community service, but instead do it out of their heart, instead of making it a policy.

People frequently compare community service as a punishment, as it is given to small-time offenders as an alternative to extended jail time, but with familial responsibilities and classwork, community service is a way for students to hassle at the last minute while trying to find ways to get their diploma. Some high schools give awards and certificates to those who have committed to a cause for helping the community, but now we have the issue of competition to see who can get the most community and volunteer hours.

Instead of being done for the goodness of others, it's being done for selfish reasons, or reasons targeted toward the one person who is trying to get the award. This completely changes the meaning of "community" service hours and contradicts the reasons high schools want to require community service or volunteer hours. This is usually meant to bring students together, give people an opportunity to gain social skills and find their interests in specific career fields, and we should make this voluntary, because we are now giving schools the power to determine what exactly community service is.

This brings me to my final point of what exactly is considered community service. Is babysitting a sibling or friend's child considered community service if that student may be interested in the childcare field? Community service should have no limitations of what is considered a good deed and therefore should not be mandatory.

To summarize my statement, community service should be voluntary for these points - while most students are willing to give back to their community, they simply do not have the time or ability to do so(familial responsibilities), no interest, and finally, simply doing this out of the kindness in your heart.

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