The paragraph appears to be a persuasive text, and to make your text successful in changing others' mindsets, it needs to be appealing enough for the readers to go through all the way. It does follow TBEAR elements, but it is too dull to change anything. To make it worthy of readers' attention, you have to keep evidence short. Ignore the parts of the evidence that is not necessary.
<em>If I got it wrong, I will return the points to you through another question. Have a good day! :)</em>
such as what exact mouth or day did these accidents happend and what happened that day that made these animals go on a rampage and another thing how many people were injured when this accident occurred.
