I would say either suspense or repetition, but I think I would lean more towards the suspense side.
The Journal of Madame Knight shows that Sarah Knight took care of the family's business with mastery, causing the business to grow and remain economically stable and strong throughout her administration. This is because she had a strong knowledge of economic and accounting concepts, as well as she knew well about the legal concepts necessary to promote the growth of her companies. That's because in addition to the family business, she was able to manage a store and several properties.
Okay, here’s what I’ll do for you. I’ll answer your questions in a few words, and I want you to make sure the answers are longer than the ones I give you. 1) This paragraph does not flow at all. 2) The rhythm is very choppy. 3) The most important ideas are when she moves to the West Coast because it gives more detail on her life. The least important is her childhood and how she is brought up because it hardly talks about it. 4) The ideas aren’t well connected because it just states facts and doesn’t expand on them. 5) The relationship is basically what ever happened next in her life, no detail. 6) I would add more detail and make the sentences less choppy. This should help you rewrite the paragraph.
