Question

Will someone give me an opinion on this essay?

Answer 1

Answer:

I have a couple of suggestions...

You honestly don't have to use the edits I made because t's already good.

the bolded parts are stuff I changed.  Also, you could run it through Grammarly for grammatical errors

Explanation:

The Raider Brigade has always been a home for me. Even before High School, I always had a home in the large family that is the Raider Brigade. Today, with half of the high school behind me, I want to give that same feeling to anyone who enters the bandroom. That is why I am trying out for Section Leader.  Ever since I was a child, I was enchanted by the movements and music during the halftime shows of football games.  I now realize the incredible dedication, hard work, and focus that goes into every second of the show.  When I began my first marching season, I struggled with the footwork and maneuvering, yet I was determined to recreate it perfectly, to give others the feeling I had when I was a child. Consequently, I went to work, spending hours trying to find any trick or system to make my marching as close to perfection as possible.  Using the experience from hours of practice I have, I can quickly and effectively help my fellow band members with many common problems and mistakes. If anyone were to need help with more difficult problems, I can work with them to help the marching band sound even greater.  Overall, I want to be a section leader, not only to help the current band members but also for the audience in the stands. I want the band to capture the hearts of the audience, and hopefully inspire them to join band.

Answer 2

It is very elaborate and the grammar is ok but your good!