I think it sounds really good you might want to add a little bit more to it but it is your opinion, not ours...
Answer:
I have no idea what you're asking but yes, they should act that way.
The excerpt from "Lather and Nothing Else"
Which is the best example of fast-paced narration is the following:
<span>
“I estimated he had a four-days’ growth of
beard, the four days he had been gone on the last foray after our men. His face
looked burnt, tanned by the sun.”</span>
Put his or her name on it
