Prompt Read this student’s description: It was raining hard as Maria walked down the street. She felt cold and wet and was worri
ed about being late. This description tells readers about the setting and character, but doesn’t help readers picture the scene. Strong writing shows readers what is happening through vivid description. Write a 3–5 sentence version of this rainy scene, but include descriptive language to help readers feel like they’re actually there. Try adding sensory details (what the character sees, hears, tastes, smells, or feels) and more specific verbs (like “strode” instead of “walked”) to show readers the scene. Bonus challenge: Now, challenge yourself to include even more detail in your description. Try to revise at least two words or phrases to make the scene more vivid for readers.
felt cold and wet = <u>could feel the rain droplets as sharp glass pieces hitting her chilled face and numb hands</u> even<u> in the biting cold</u>
worried about being late=<u>what killed her inside</u> was being late at that peculiar time.
Explanation:
It was raining hard as Maria walked down the street. She felt cold and wet and was worried about being late.
It was raining<u> cats and dogs</u> as Maria <u>strolled </u>down the street. She <u>could feel the rain droplets as sharp glass pieces hitting her chilled face and numb hands</u> even<u> in the biting cold</u> but <u>what killed her inside</u> was being late at that peculiar time.
The changed sentence has the same meaning as the original sentence but depicts more feelings of the girl both on the outside and the inside.