I sigh in defeat as I try to twist the door handle one more time in vain. “This really sucks.” I think as my stomach starts to growl. Looking up at the class clock I notice it is already 6:30. Way past the time I would have gotten home from the bus. “Well. I might as well get comfy.” I say out loud to myself in the empty class room. Sitting on the teachers desk I start to wonder.. What if Ms. Will has snacks in here drawers? As I am looking to see, I hear the doorknob rattle, then open. I look up to see a police officer and my mom with tears in her eyes. She always was the one for the water works.
Don’t use the personal pronoun ‘I’ so much or it begins to feel clunky. Also add in a few English techniques like metaphors, hyperboles and personification because English teachers love that. Otherwise, good job!
“Caterpillars look kind of like worms. You should add a paragraph on worms.” This quote contains irrelevant or impertinent information about worms instead of the main idea, caterpillars.
