Question

Read the following passage, which is lacking in vivid description, imagery, and dialogue. Rewrite the passage to include description and dialogue in a way that helps convey a nervous tone.
Passage

My brother Felipe and I walked up to the abandoned house at the end of the street. Felipe opened the gate, and we walked forward. We walked all the way up to the door and knocked, but no one answered. I leaned over the railing and looked in the window, and it was pretty empty in there. Then there was a noise inside the house, and we left.

Answer 1

Answer:

My brother Felipe and I walked up to the abandoned house at the end of the street.  We was both shaking and filled with fear. Felipe opens the gates slowly and we walked forward.  Both of us wasn't ready to go into the abandoned house.  We both new it was creepy enough to make us cry.  We walked all the way up to the door and knocked, but no one answered.  We tried to open the door but it was locked. I leaned over the railing and looked in the window, and it was pretty empty in there. I could only see a table and some empty bowls on it, assuming it was a kitchen. Then there was a noise inside the house, sending a chill down both of our sounds.  It sounded like screaming. Finally, we turned and left, looking behind us to make sure we wasn't followed home.

Explanation:

Answer 2

This is not the answer, but here is an example:

It was Raphael's first plane ride. His fear of heights had kept him grounded, but he couldn't resist the lure of a Hawaiian vacation. His excitement had turned to dread as he strapped himself into his seat. He fidgeted under the weight of the seat belt as the flight attendants scrambled to secure the cabin. He glanced out the window at the runway and then snapped the shade shut.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" the flight attendant asked with a calm smile.

"No," Raphael said, gripping the armrests tightly.

When the plane screeched and jolted into the air, Raphael thought his stomach had lurched into his throat. He tried to relax, but each subtle tremor caught his attention, and his breath came out in short, staccato gasps.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the plane touched down in Hawaii. Raphael was grateful to be on the ground again but knew that he would have to do this again when his vacation was over.