My brother needed some help on a test and wasn't sure what he needed to add or if he was missing something. Can you guys check t
his out for me as I don't know what he needs to add? He wrote: This story begins with a young man who has a problem: he wants to make money, but his family forbids him from working. Because the boy is 18 years old and must complete his education, his family will not allow him to work and earn money. This young man lives in a small row house in San Francisco, California, with his mother, father, and two sisters. He receives some financial support from his family, but it is insufficient to cover the cost of living in the city or pay his tuition. Jacob Hatcher is the name of this young man. To get a job: Jacob pleaded with his father to let him get a job, but his father was unreasonable and denied it. Unable to get permission, he went to his mother and tried to win her permission with facts and logic. "If I get a job, my father won't have to work as much, and we won't have any problems paying our rent," he said. His mother, too, was irrational and denied it. He turned to his friends for assistance when he ran out of ideas. To his friends, he said, "My parents are both unreasonable and refuse to let me get a job. I've done everything I could to persuade them. Have you got any suggestions? " They all agreed that he should persuade his sisters to persuade their parents because they were younger and more easily persuaded. To persuade them, he told them that if he got a job, he'd buy them candy and other treats if they asked. They were both skeptical, but they agreed to assist him anyway. They tried to persuade their parents to give him a job by saying things like, "I wish we could afford better toys." They were using short but clever sentences to persuade them, but it would still be weeks before they permitted him. To hasten the process, he told white lies, such as, "The grocery store owner said they were going to raise their prices on some of dad's favorite foods." None of this was true, of course, but it was effective in increasing his chances of getting permission. Both of their parents were intimidated by the gap in food budgets. The strategy was masterful. It worked. Jacob's parents had told him that he could only get a job if it was at his uncle's grocery store. After signing the paperwork, he had gotten a job. On the way to his first day at work, Jacob felt sick to his stomach. After walking slower than a snail and meeting his uncle, he immediately ran to the bathroom in pain, bumping into a customer in the process, knocking them down, and making them drop all of their items. Afterward, Jacob apologized immediately. His uncle wasn't amused, so he had to work for a week without pay to pay off what he had broken and pay back the customer for their sprained ankle. Jacob was certain that his uncle would fire him after what happened, but instead, he was congratulated for having kept working even though it was so hard for him. this is what he sent to me as a checklist
does your text include:
An exposition, rising action, complicating incident, climax, and a resolution.
Setting, plot, and theme.
Sensory details and rich description capture the reader's attention and develop a mood.
A narrator with a consistent point of view.
Dialogue to move the plot and show the characters’ ideas and feelings.
Consistent verb tense.
Appropriately selected and implemented active and/or passive voice
Correct capitalization, punctuation, and spelling.
