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Sophie [7]
3 years ago
5

I need help simplifying this thesis and making it easier to understand for the reader (more concise) .....

English
2 answers:
Mashcka [7]3 years ago
8 0

"No matter how religious one may be, one’s faith tends to change under unexpected and challenging circumstances."

When you say "one may be" it sounds too formal, you would refer to someone as "one" for a formal essay.

"No matter how religious you may be, your faith tends to change under unexpected and challenging circumstances."

Note: I changed "one’s faith" to "your faith" to make it sound less formal, fit for a more normal audience. Remember: you refer to someone as "one" if it is a formal essay or a college essay; for a more mature audience.

algol133 years ago
3 0

All I did was simply combine concepts into fewer words. In my opinion the original thesis was great.

Even people with the strongest faith may doubt or change their beliefs when faced with life's obstacles.

Let me know if this helped!

~Just a girl in love with Shawn Mendes

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Sections versus Paragraphs

Before looking at the general structure of an expository essay, you first need to know that in your post-secondary education, you should not consider your essay as writing being constructed with five paragraphs as you might have been used to in high school. You should instead think of your essay in terms of sections (there may be five), and each section may have multiple paragraphs.

To understand further why you need to think beyond the five-paragraph essay, imagine you have been asked to submit a six-page paper (approximately 1,500 words). You already know that each paragraph should be roughly 75 to 200 words long. If you divide the required word count by five paragraphs (1,500 by 5), you end with 300 words per paragraph, way above the number you should have in a paragraph. If your paragraphs are too long, they likely have too many ideas and your reader may become confused. Your paragraphs should be two-third of a page at most, and never longer than a page.

Instead, if you think of your essays being divided into sections (with possibly more than one paragraph per section), your writing will likely be more organized and allow your reader to follow your presentation of ideas without creating too much distance between your paragraph’s supporting points and its topic sentence.

As you will see in Section 4.5: Classification, some essay forms may require even more than five paragraphs or sections because of how many points are necessary to address. . For the rest of this chapter, the term paragraph will also imply section.

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An expository essay, regardless of its purpose, should have at least five sections, which are:

Introduction

First body section/paragraph

Second body section/paragraph

Third body section/paragraph

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The introduction should state the topic of your paper: your thesis statement as well as brief signposts of what information the rest of the paper will include. That is, you only want to mention the content of the body paragraphs; you do not want to go in to a lot of detail and repeat what will be in the rest of the essay.

The first body section or paragraph should focus on one of your main points and provide evidence to support that point. There should be two to three supporting points: reasons, facts, statistics, quotations, examples, or a mix of these. Both the second and third body sections should follow the same pattern. Providing three body sections with one point each that supports the thesis should provide the reader with enough detail to be convinced of your argument or fully understand the concept you are explaining. However, remember that some sections will require more explanation, and you may need to separate this information into multiple paragraphs.

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