Shalonda wrote a story for a teen literary magazine. She revised a paragraph but kept a copy of the original. Read both versions
and then answer the question. Original:
Tina scanned the crowd at the mall. Pairs and groups of people streamed by her: teenagers laughing and yelling, parents with young children in strollers, elderly couples holding hands. But she didn’t see anyone who was alone and looking for her.
Revision:
As Tina scanned the crowd at the mall, she knew she’d remember this day forever. Whether the memory was good or bad depended on what happened in the next few minutes. People streamed by her: groups of teenagers laughing and yelling, parents with young children in strollers, elderly couples holding hands. “Everyone is with someone else,” she thought. “No one is looking for me. The story of my life.”
Compare the original version and the revision. What does Shalonda’s revision accomplish?
A.
The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. The short sentences at the end contain reflection that conveys Tina’s feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina might be bitter about her situation.
B.
The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a memorable day for Tina. The longer sentences establish a slower, more leisurely pace that is in keeping with Tina’s detailed observations. The flashback in the last sentence shifts the time and emphasizes Tina’s skill as a storyteller.
C.
Lengthening the opening sentences creates a slower, more leisurely pace that is in keeping with Tina’s sentimental nature. The reflection contained in these sentences conveys that Tina enjoys observing strangers. The two shorter sentences at the end create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina’s ability to switch from sentimental to bitter.
D.
Lengthening the opening sentences creates a slower pace that mirrors Tina’s anguish at the end. The reflection contained in these sentences conveys that Tina has been looking forward to this day. The summary in the last sentence places less importance on what has happened so far in Tina’s life and more importance on what is currently happening.
