You might be non binary or gender fluid from the sounds of it or maybe Demi gender if you said you mostly feel like a girl.
"At the same time, circuits involved in stress become increasingly sensitive, leading to increased displeasure and negative moods when not taking the drug, which are signs of withdrawal. These combined effects make the user more likely to focus on seeking the drug instead of relationships, food, or other natural rewards." I got it from this wedsite just in case you need more info about it. https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/cocaine/what-are-long-term-effects-cocaine-u...
