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Doss [256]
3 years ago
6

Could someone revise my poem? its for my english class and i'm not sure about it. Please correct any imperfections and feel free

to leave some some constructive criticism! This poem is one hundred percent my own so, yeah! In my eyes In my eyes You were big and strong And in my eyes I was just as tall. In my eyes We fought together And in my eyes We sought together Throughout the land In search of more But now i wonder Whatever do i need you for? For when the time came You chose to leave And left me Hanging by a string. Left on the edge As i watch you flee No other choice But move on And leave you be. Growing up was tuff Dont get me wrong All im saying is I didn't need you To get along. Because With as many tears As I wept, I leave you now With no regret. You are nothing more Than a hazy blur A fond memory of the Friends we once were. And now with ease I can say Goodbye, big brother And please Don't look my way 'Cause I don't Need you now When I didn't Need you then. And In my eyes You were a memory Now long forgotten.
English
2 answers:
vodomira [7]3 years ago
6 0

Answer:

the poem is really good try using more discriptive words to REALLY hit homewith reader loved it.

Explanation:

Licemer1 [7]3 years ago
4 0

Answer: I dont see anything wrong with your poem. it makes perfect sense to me. all your puncuation is correct.

Explanation:

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I've been meaning to <em>ask you</em>

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The stanza's meter is trochaic tetrameter (4 trochees, 8 syllables)

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This rhyme scheme and meter are most used by rap artist for it's impact and flexibility to create a rhyme. The stressed words are the ones that address the receiver of the message that is a proposition for a meeting or a date. This poem is fitting for the rap music genre, for it's pronounciation  of key words (with a suburban accent) completes the rhyme in the second and third lines ("oKAY" and "DRAStical").


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