Answer:
Yours is good, it gets straight to the poibt and is clear.
If it helps here's my old teacher's one:
Anglo-Saxon England was a very well-run kingdom. The king had ultimate authority but throughout the 9th and 10th centuries, a complex system of local government was developed to collect taxes and maintain law and order.
The car was parked next to the church ,,,blah blah,blah,blah....
Because they grow their band over time.
MTV airs Beyonce's latest video on today's TRL. Please let me know if you need something else.