OVERALL GRADE: 3 ; too many grammar mistakes.
FEEDBACK/"FIXES":
<em>Hook:</em> Change it to: "Breakfast, anyone? How about more sleep and better grades? These seem appealing, right? These are just a few benefits of school convening later in the day."
<em>Claim/Thesis:</em> Change it to: "The school day should begin at 9:45 AM because it would allow students additional time to prepare for their school day; they would be better rested, perform better, and engage more in physical activities."
<em>Evidence/Reasoning #1:</em> Change it to: "After all, students' brains are still asleep when it's early in the morning. Schools that start at 9:00 AM or later allow students the opportunity to get the recommended amount of sleep [8.5 - 9.5 hours.]"
Okay I have to go now but I hope what I provided helps.
Schaffer mistakenly told his assistant to strike alarm Box 342, and as a result, firefighters were directed to an incorrect location during the Chicago fire of 1871.
This is the best example of adding concrete details. It specifically says which alarm box Schaffer told his assistant. The original sentence makes it seem as the miscommunication was the big problem. While it was a problem, the fact that the firefighters went to the incorrect location is really the reason the Chicago fire of 1871 was so devastating. Including these details makes the writing much clearer and easier for the reader to follow.
Answer:
He immediatly got up and started to walk toward the light. Once he reach the light, he saw a small cabin. The cabin greeted him as he walk in.
Explanation:
