Question

Read the opening line from a draft of an informative essay. Which is the best revision of the sentence? Trade between Great Britain and Japan expanded as opium deals between the nations increased in the early 1800s. Britain greatly expanded trade with China, increasing its opium exports more than five times in the early 1800s. Britain’s expanded trade in opium led to export increases that were five times greater in the early 1800s. Britain greatly expanded trade with China, which increased its opium exports more than five times in the early 1800s.

Answer 1

Britain greatly expanded trade with China, increasing its opium exports more than five times in the early 1800s.

Answer 2

Answer: Britain greatly expanded trade with China, increasing its opium exports more than five times in the early 1800s.

This is the best revision of the sentence. The sentence is grammatically correct. Moreover, it includes all the important elements of the information it wants to transmit (the fact that trade happened with China, that it involved opium, that it increased more than five times and that this happened in the early 1800s). Finally, the sentence is clear and concise.