Question

What needs to change about the following argument? the monday after super bowl sunday should be a national holiday. each year, thousands of work hours are lost because americans don’t show up for work on the monday after the super bowl. too many people stay up very late and call in sick to work the next day. i always take off work on that day because i stay up late and i’m too tired the next day. instead of companies losing millions of dollars in revenue because they are understaffed, the day after super bowl should be a national holiday. question 12 options:
the claim of this argument needs to start with, "i believe..." it should read, "i believe the monday after super bowl sunday should be a national holiday." delete the line, "i always take off work that day because i stay up late and i'm too tired." personal testimonies are irrelevant and not credible.
nothing needs to change.
the conclusion needs to say, "in conclusion..." the reader will not know this is the conclusion if it doesn't start with "in conclusion."

Answer 1

The opening line should state "I believe..." to show the reader that it is the personal opinion of the author that the Monday after Superbowl Sunday should be a national holiday.

The line "i always take off work that day because i stay up late and i'm too tired" should be deleted because it is a personal testimony that does not fit here. Personal testimonies sometimes work in persuasion, but in this case it does not flow with the rest of the paragraph and distracts from the piece as a whole.

For clarity, it would be helpful to use the phrase "in conclusion..."

Each of these three improvements would help the understanding and flow of the argument. Additionally, there are many grammatical errors, such as punctuation and capitalization, that, when fixed will help the style of the paragraph.