<span>C) I profoundly do not hate music—but I do, ridiculous as it sounds, hate personal MP3 players
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Okay, here’s what I’ll do for you. I’ll answer your questions in a few words, and I want you to make sure the answers are longer than the ones I give you. 1) This paragraph does not flow at all. 2) The rhythm is very choppy. 3) The most important ideas are when she moves to the West Coast because it gives more detail on her life. The least important is her childhood and how she is brought up because it hardly talks about it. 4) The ideas aren’t well connected because it just states facts and doesn’t expand on them. 5) The relationship is basically what ever happened next in her life, no detail. 6) I would add more detail and make the sentences less choppy. This should help you rewrite the paragraph.
Answer
"Splat!" went the ice cream after it slipped out of my sisters hand.
Explanation:
The onomatopia in the sentence above is splat.
The only wrong ones is the first on and the last one. The first one you forgot to put a comma after but. The last one you forgot to put a comma after eggs, pancakes, and things. I hope this helps you!
