Can someone please revise my poem for word choice and rhyme patterns? I feel like my rhymes aren't really good, and I would like
some help in correcting them. Thanks!! Even when the teasing vines
Force me, submerge me in the adhesive oil,
She's there to lead the way,
Her golden scruff as bright as foil,
The path, narrow and taunting, is unfrightening
As long as her leaning head maintains my balance.
What will I ever do as the tangled hair grows light,
As her gentle cranium becomes lifeless, lowered, long;
I wish to never visualize that future, and hopeful I never will, for if it is reality, I Could not tread through the ghostly forest any longer, the ghosts shall devour my shriveled songs.
Well one thing i would say make sure the words you are using actually makes sense. you should replace foil with something since foil doesnt shine it just reflects.
When teasing vines Force me,submerge me in the captivating oil She is there to lead the way Her golden scruff bright as the sun The path,narrow and taunting, seems unfrightening As long as she helps maintains my balance What will I do as the her tangled hair grows light As her gentle features becomes lifeless Wishing never to visualize that future, hoping I never will, for if it shall become reality I will be lost in this ghostly forest, forever being lost The ghost shall devour my songs of life
