Answer:
I have always felt the need to prove I´m smart. But I know that it comes from a deep desire to be considered by my family as smart as my brother. Smarter, even.
Since I was born, I felt that my younger brother was considered the star of the family. I started walking a two, while he gave his first steps after 9 months. He was always at the top of his class, while my grades are average at the most. He won many awards in academic events, making my sports accomplishments seem foolish.
I couldn´t say that my parents sparked this covert competition, but they did expect more of me academically, and my brother was always set as an example for me to follow. My younger brother was willing to help me with my homework, but I couldn´t accept that.
I feel I´ve been pursuing a goal that is not mine. I´m smart, just in different ways. I can talk to people easily, while he struggles with any social interaction. I know a lot about computers, a lot of which a learned on my own, without any instructions. I can learn to play instruments very easily, while my brother has no musical talents.
However, the constant comparison to my brother always makes me feel like I´m not enough. Sometimes I find myself thinking that if he hadn´t been born I wouldn´t have such a poor concept of myself and my intelligence. But that´s a horrible way to think. And, considering that this problem relies on my self-esteem, I would probably find someone else to compare myself to who would still make me feel like I´m not as good.
In the end, I understand that comparison is never a good adviser, and I should measure my accomplishments only on how much I work on them and how happy they make me, regardless of what others might do or say.
