Question

In three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.
"Growing flowers is one of my happiest childhood memories. Gardening offers more than a way for kids to have fun. There are many things to gain from working with plants outside. It is unfortunate that many people feel too busy to garden. More people should take a chance with gardening to see what they can create."

Answer 1

This paragraph is super... choppy. It needs to be more fluid. Also, the hook is, well, not present. They have a good start with "Growing flowers is one of my happiest childhood memories." You should build more on this idea of why gardening makes you happy. Through these memories you could share what you gain from gardening, and why you should stop thinking just about the time it takes but also the profit you can earn. To get rid of this "choppiness" you connect through the memories.
Hope this helps!