Question

If you have time, please review my 150-word essay on trade. I will give 30 points.

Answer 1

Answer:

Reviewed, read explanation.

Explanation:

Paragraph 1: Second sentence would sound better if you added how trade even helped develop some of the empire's economies. For example, the Tang Empire thrived off of the silk China traded on the Silk Road. "Trade even spread religion all around the world" Specify, 'like the religion of_____' (HINT: Buddhism). 'Trade to and from Rome led a lot of people to turn to Christanity and Catholicsm' I suggest not saying turn to but convert. Last sentence does not make sense after talking about how interactions between traders led to converstion of different religions, maybe move it to the tip after you say 'anything from crops to even their langauges' then add a transition sentence after that so things flow better.

Paragraph 2: 'One of the more popular trade routes is called The Silk Road' replace popular with notable. 'The Silk Road was lengthy, spreading from Persia to China and all the countries in between.' I don't think lengthy is the right adjective, try just saying long or large. Also, I thought The Silk Road was from China to Rome/West Europe? Fact check please. 'The Silk Road was very benevolent in trade and allowed many countries to exchange goods' The idea of countries really did not exist at this time. Try replacing countries with regions or civilizations.

Paragraph 3: 'Without the trade business, we wouldn't be able to have a wide range of items.' Replace trae business with trading network. You also say 'we' should first person pronouns be used in an essay like this? Check with your teacher. Overall, nice job!