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enyata [817]
3 years ago
13

What do ya'll think my draft

English
2 answers:
Softa [21]3 years ago
8 0

Wow, what an ending, I didn't expect that. Surprised you didn't chose the most common ending in elementary (not saying you are) saying "you woke up and realized it was a dream"

I would try to use less then's in your story since I feel like I kept reading the word then over and over after each sentence ended. maybe add more story to why your friend wants to go to your house and not their house.

12345 [234]3 years ago
7 0

This looks great, but I fixed some errors and added details:

     It's 4069 and the world is covered in pollution. Countries are at each other's backs, Japan has its own military units, Shrek is an anime now, and crazier things like this. You wake up from your parents buzzing at your door. You say, “I'm up, I'm up.” You start to get ready for school and quickly grab a piece of artificial toast and hop in your flying bees. The car drives you to school and while it’s driving you to school you get a call from your friend, he says that there is a giant missile that is coming from Uranus.

      Now, since Uranus is now a planet again it has been used by Russians ever since 3069. But only the government can use Uranus and America knew they were working on experiments with dangerous chemicals, but they did not know that they were working on a giant missile. Your friend then said that it could destroy all of America. She said it should be the president's group he is chosen they are professional bomb squad in all America, and it was the same group that shot down the massive meteor that was 4x the size of the earth. So, she said,“It should be no problem at least that’s what school says.” So, we still have to show up for school? He says, “Yea which kind of sucks I mean I know we're going to be fine but still this is kind of still scary.”

        You make your way to school and all the teachers are calm until the intercom turns on ordering everyone to get home immediately. Your friend comes to you and says can I come home with you, and you say yea sure why not. Your friend and you hop in your car and head back to your house into your bunker just in case. You turn on the tv and they say there is a 74% chance of the nuke hitting the earth. You head upstairs and seal the windows, wall, and door you then transfer all the food downstairs. You come downstairs to your friend watching the tv and they say that the bomb squad has been wiped out.

       You start to feel this feeling crawling up your back. You look at your friend and they say we’ll be all right. Then you switch the channel, and you see a news report saying that the government is working on a weapon that will put it in a portal where it just falls forever. They then show what the weapon looks like, and they describe what it's going to look like in 10 minutes. They say it would look like a giant spikey ring and they say it's going to float on the ocean surface.

        10 minutes later, they showed on the news about what color the nuke is and how big it is and it's only a tiny cube but highly explosive and it's also red. Then the news shows these giant drones placing a huge ring portal. They this tiny cube dropping into this giant portal. Then the portal shrinks and thirty minutes later they tell you that you can exit your homes now. Your friend comes up to you and lifts his hands up to your face and takes off your oculus quest and says so what did you think, and you just drop your jaw in shock.

Brainlist Pls!

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