Question

!!!!Can somebody proofread this with suggestions, please. :) !!!!

Answer 1

This is really good!

I'll make some suggestions in order. I also added a lot. You don't have to use them all. Also, I'm not an expert on grammar, so if you think I'm doing something wrong then please don't correct it.

• I don't think you're supposed to capitalize "live" when it's not the first word in a sentence. Also I'm not sure if you're supposed to capitalize "land" or "gold" either.
• You could say, "Loads of land! Lots of gold!"
• "Bounce on a cart" sounds a little... weird... maybe you should do "hop" instead.
• You can also put a comma here: "Get your family, hop on a cart, and take the Santa Fe trail." Also, I don't know about this topic, but I don't think "trail" is supposed to be capitalized.
• Maybe write "heading to California" instead.
• You could write, "With an excess of empty land at a modest expense, there are chances of becoming quite wealthy with gold. Who might not hold onto this once in a blue moon opportunity?" Also, I'm not very sure with "there are chances of becoming quite wealthy with gold" so you can rephrase that, or just not take this suggestion. But I think you should put a period after "gold" and make the next sentence a question.
• You can write, "You might be considering what you should pack." End the sentence here, and start the next one; "Well tune in up and snatch a pen and paper, because these are the accompanying fundamentals you will have to welcome on this exciting journey!"
• Maybe write "You'll need an adequate supply of food, water containers, blades, comfortable dressing, alongside with your persevering disposition that will set you up for a fruitful undertaking." I don't know what "adequate" means or whether I'm using it correctly. If I'm wrong, don't use that suggestion.
• I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say "This new land will request numerous things from you along these lines, devotion, steadiness, and positive thinking are a portion of the characteristics you can't lose in the cloudiness of the uproar and difficulties you may confront." Do you mean something like, "This new land will request numerous things from you along these lines: devotion, steadiness, and positive thinking. These traits are a portion of the characteristics you can't lose in the cloudiness of the uproar and difficulties you may confront." If this isn't what you mean, you can ignore this.
• Maybe put a period here: "Fate blesses people who will place in the work. The outcomes can be the key you need to give you and your family a better life than that they have known."
• Put a period and a semicolon here: "Partake in an intersection of societies as you may experience African Americans, Asians, Europeans, Mexicans, and Native Americans. Varying backgrounds are endeavoring to carry on with a daily routine worth experiencing; nobody needs to agree to unremarkableness."
• Maybe write this: "Even though diseases represent a danger alongside starvation and unforgiving environments, each hazard merits taking as long as it's for a decent purpose and adds to a decent life." By the way, it triggers me that the quotation mark goes after the period, so ignore that.

Like, I said, you don't have to use any of my suggestions. Also, some of my suggestions may be disagreeing with your writing style; you don't have to use those suggestions.