Okay tell me what you think of my story ) As you lay down on the ground covered in chains in defeat by your corrupted version of

Question

3 years ago

9

Okay tell me what you think of my story ) As you lay down on the ground covered in chains in defeat by your corrupted version of

yourself trying to break free but Cv (corrupted version) walks up to you smiles pulls out a sword and makes it hold up your chin to make you look at them and says in the most calming motherly voice don't bother it won't work and you should have know that you couldn't win against me now, come on just let me take control of your body it would make us both happy you wouldn't have to continue living your horrible life and and could finally make this world pure again you wanted to say no but staring into their eyes you said fine

English

2 answers:

Arlecino [84] · Answer 1 · 2022-08-27T13:30:41+03:00

Answer:

It's great, hon!

Explanation:

I think you could make some grammatical corrections so it flows together better, however! The majority of it is a really long run-on sentence and it's hard to tell apart dialogue from text because of the lack of quotation marks, but I think the writing is great! Your use of diction is really good.

bearhunter [10] · Answer 2 · 2022-08-27T14:31:32+03:00

So it sounds good but if its getting graded you need some quotations around the words that are being said. Also you can add some periods to separate your thoughts. If anything is being said by a particular person you can add their names too. I like it just some minor grammer changes.