Question

Hello i need some help, can anyone review my feature reporters notebook for me. could you tell me what i should edit pls thank you. Also this is based on gender biased in media (journalism) so if you can help thank you
Why are woman always getting paid less than men? Why can’t woman reach the same level as men in some jobs. Women must go through so many challenges to get to the spot they want to be at. Women are also judged different than men are how is that fair? After doing some research I had found out that “We observed that external hiring skews male for C-suite positions, which contributes to a corporate environment in which women are well represented at early-tenure positions but remain a minority at more senior levels. Only 27 percent of C-suite positions in media and entertainment are held by women.” Women are not getting the same treatment as men. Only 27% of the c-suite is held by woman! Women can do the same as men can. Even when woman is in men’s position some do not feel as if they are treated fairly. In an article it says, “Women who work in majority-male workplaces feel much differently: 48% say women are treated fairly where they work when it comes to recruitment and hiring, and even fewer (38%) say women are treated fairly in promotions and advancement.” A Husband and wife were interviewed to see if they were getting close to the same wage pays. The Husband says “We are treated very well in our job. We have a good amount of lunch time, and we get paid a good amount for the work we do.” While the wife says, “The job is good, but it doesn’t really pay much most of the woman are getting a little paid less we only make 12k a year versus my husband he makes 23k a year” Woman have been Getting paid way less than men. There are more women overall in the media and entertainment industries. 49% percent in mostly entry level. After conduction, some research o found out that woman is more satisfied with their jobs then most men. “Women in media and entertainment report career-satisfaction rates that are slightly higher than men’s—77 percent of women versus 75 percent of men. Additionally, 82 percent of women in our research reported a desire to be promoted to the next level, as compared with 71 percent of women across all industries. Indeed, 35 percent of women in media and entertainment said they had asked for a promotion during the past year, compared with 27 percent of men in the industry. These statistics suggest that the low representation of women in senior roles cannot be attributed to a lack of desire for advancement.” Sometime women choose different jobs that pay less, here is an example: A woman wants to work as a teacher, and get paid less then occupations, like some men could choose a lawyer and still get paid more. In an article I read it said “This is really quite remarkable. A parenthood premium for males, and a penalty for woman.” Women even get a 7% wage reduction because they have a child while for men, they get money from it. In some place women are asked if sexual harassment was a thing in their job. In the article “Women in majority-male workplaces report higher rates of gender discrimination” by KIM PARKER it states “About half of women who work in male-dominated workplaces (49%) say this is at least a small problem where they work, including 15% who say it’s a big problem. By comparison, about a third of women who work in gender-balanced (34%) or female-dominated (32%) workplaces say sexual harassment is a problem where they work. About one-in-ten of these women say it’s a big problem.”

Answer 1

Okay so I read over it and it need some adjustments. There are spelling mistakes, over usage of words, and a lot of evidence. I will list why I chose these things below:

Spelling mistakes: In the sentence, “ Women are Getting paid way less than men,” that g is capital when it doesn’t need to be. Also, in a few other sentences husband is starts with a capital when it shouldn’t.

Over usage of words: You used the word “women” a lot throughout the feature. Using one word over and over is not good, it pops up a lot. In other words, say someone was scanning over your report and they saw “women” a lot throughout the report. They would use interest because of the over usage of the word. Now, it may be because of the abundance of evidence and support, but I will get into that in a sec. In summary, you shouldn’t use one word a lot throughout any passage… mix it up a little, I understand your topic, but try to replace it a little.

A lot of evidence: There is an over abundance of evidence throughout the report, it makes it really hard to get through because it is long. Also side note, some of your evidence does not include a source, where you got the evidence from, you don’t want your reader to think your plagiarizing another persons idea and thoughts. Anyway, it’s a lot so evidence, it’s all supporting the same topic but it’s a lot of it! Maybe try to sum it up to at least 4 supporting details WITH a source.

Overall, I think that it is really good and you seem passionate about your topic. Only little tweaks, you should read over it to correct those little spelling errors, tidy it up and ORGANIZE your evidence. Try to shorten it a bit and replace the word “women” a little throughout the passage. Other than those tips I think you are good! It a great topic and I wish you the best of luck!

Hope this helped, have a great day!! :D