This journal entry will be completed in two parts. In this lesson, you will examine how different sentence types can add variety
and interest to writing. Part of your learning will involve revising your own writing to improve sentence variety. Now, before continuing with the lesson, you will complete the first half of your entry. Write a short, four-to-five-sentence paragraph about a topic of your choosing. Then, after you have completed this lesson, come back to the paragraph you wrote. Analyze your writing to identify areas where you could revise using different sentence types to add interest to your work. Revise the paragraph using the techniques you have learned. Your completed journal entry should have both your original and your revised paragraph.
With each passing day I am more astonished, and frightened by the responsibility of a large part of the population in the midst of the pandemic in which we are living. People refuse to wear protective masks and continue to cause crowds as if nothing is happening. And even worse they are putting other people at risk as well as putting themselves. That way we will never be able to, return to the normal life we had before.
What should be revised: It would be more interesting to put phrases that are better structured and more impersonal to give credibility to the text. In addition, it is necessary to organize the connectors between the dependent sentences, as they are positioned with the incorrect punctuation. However, it is necessary to revise the position of the commas.
Revised paragraph:
with each passing day it is possible to perceive more and more people being irresponsible with their own health and with the health of those around them. This is because, these people are unconcerned with the pandemic that is plaguing the whole planet and continue to leave the house without wearing a protective mask and continue causing people to gather. This behavior must be ended immediately, or we will never be able to return to the normal life we had.
