You use the wrong pronunciation and you go to quickly over the story. It felt like it was over to quickly. Im confused on who the main character is in the story so try to make that a little more clear by giving the main character more attention and detail in the story. Also don't put the actual number but spell it if the number is less than 10. Try to put jucier detail into the story because the story goes by way to fast. If the female is the main character in the story then focus on her view point of the kidnapping than doing it from Tony's viewpoint of the events.
