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viktelen [127]
3 years ago
13

Read the rough-draft paragraph.

English
2 answers:
Ilia_Sergeevich [38]3 years ago
4 0

This rough-draft paragraph<em> lacks introduction and it jumps from one idea to another immediately, without properly connecting these two.</em>

An introduction is designed to grab the reader's attention and give them an idea about the focus of the essay/paragraph. An introduction often contains a thesis sentence which a claim.

After the introduction, body paragraphs follow. Each one should begin with a topic sentence. Each body paragraph should also have a closure.

Jumping from one body paragraph to another is not a good idea as it confuses the reader and focuses his attention on the next topic, without having thought properly on the first one. Therefore, it is always better to connect two separate body paragraphs with at least one overlapping line. It can be a common idea appearing in both paragraphs, a writer's suggestion or a statement referring to both. This way, the fluency of the writing is guaranteed.

Finally, every written work should end with a conclusion that summarizes the author's ideas and leaves the readers with something to think about.

gladu [14]3 years ago
4 0
I would have to say that the writer didn't make an introduction to the topic that he is going to tackle and also, he jumped from one idea to another. Thank you for posting your question. I hope this answer helped you. Let me know if you need more help. 
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Answer:

You told to Describe seeing something for the first time (eg: a train or plane or ferry). But i wrote about my first plan trip when I was a kid

Explanation:

My first train trip is still unforgettable for me, because with my adventures, my first traveler gave me a friend who is the most loved of me today. So I can not forget this day.   The talk is about when I was eight years old. My father was arranged by the company for his good work on behalf of his company for this day by rail. All reservation tickets and other arrangements were made by the company earlier. As soon as the information reached me was not the limit of my happiness.   Earlier, I had only heard about railways. For the first time today I was very excited, for this experience. At 10:30 pm, we reached New Delhi Railway Station. I was amazed at seeing the station building and the different kinds of people running. Many of the porter lugging us to carry our luggage together. Father further indicated one of them and then we reached a certain platform behind him. The car was already standing there. We had already reserved reserve seats and we sat down comfortably by keeping things down.   I used to shout tea and tea from the window and look at the man's side, then the crowd of people filling water in the front taps. Dad had bought some magazines from the bookseller I had just lost in the crowd of platforms that the whistle of the guard was heard and the car started running. That opportunity was very exciting for me.   There was another boy in my age in front of my berth. He was also traveling for the first time like me. Slowly we became friends His name was huge. We took dinner together at night and talked for a while. Then we laid a cotton sheet on our seats and lie down.   Father had already bought two pillows in which he flooded me with his breath. Then when I closed my eyes, I was enjoying the sound of the train's moving sound. After some time we were sleepy.  When I opened my eyes in the morning, the scene at that time was very pleasant. The train was running fast and tired of running away. On the way, green trees were showing all kinds of trees, animals and birds. Hot breakfast and coffee were found in the train itself. The exterior lively scene was very seductive.   After breakfast, Vishal has fascinated everyone with his poems. Meanwhile, our train stayed at a big station. I asked permission from Father to descend on the platform. They gave permission, so I brought water from there in my bottle. Our car started again. I sat near the window and started enjoying the outdoor scene.   After some time we reached the destination. We picked up our luggage and got off the train. In fact, I have not forgotten that very pleasant journey even today. It is his happy memories, which makes me want to travel frequently. I eagerly wait for vacations so that I can get an opportunity to travel.

NOTE: well I must say that you have done a great job by telling others to do your  homework but don't worry you are saved cuz this little writer helped you from the overloads of other homework . Infact, you have to do me a favor plz mark it as brainliest  

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