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Gennadij [26K]
2 years ago
8

Ok, I finished my story. What do you guys think?

English
1 answer:
Ipatiy [6.2K]2 years ago
3 0

Answer:

If you want the honest feedback, I got you. I was really good, but I have a few suggestions to make it sound more "official":

  • Italicize sounds (i.e. change "Thud!" to <em>Thud. </em>in the second paragraph)
  • Make sure formatting is reasonable and consistent: "1 month later" is too big, the title should be bigger and "Beanbag" is incorrect  (it's bean bag)
  • Suspense would work very well in this story. I wouldn't reveal who the speaker is until the last paragraph or even last sentence. To do this, you can touch more on the emotional aspects of this story in the introduction and body paragraphs (no naming names, places, things, etc.) Make it abstract as you can to build up to the answers: Who is talking? What happened to them? Why do they feel this way? Things like that.
  • Stop being so repetitive with words like "demon" (maybe substitute for "little devil" or "menace")
  • I see the humorous aspect of this story, but I would make sure to not include too many spelling and grammar mistakes.

Sorry if my suggestions are a little too intense, but I can tell you are a good writer and can easily improve in these areas! Please let me know if this helps!

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In the middle of the 19th century, James Clerk Maxwell put forward the concept of a coherent system where a small number of units of measure were defined as base units, and all other units of measure, called derived units, were defined in terms of the base units. Maxwell proposed three base units: length, mass and time. Advances in electromagnetism in the 19th century necessitated new units to be defined, and multiple incompatible systems of such units came into usage; none could be reconciled with the existing system of mechanical units. This impasse was resolved by Giovanni Giorgi, who in 1901 proved that a coherent system that incorporated electromagnetic units had to have an electromagnetic unit as a fourth base unit.

The seminal 1875 Treaty of the Metre resulted in the fashioning and distribution of metre and kilogram artefacts, the standards of the future coherent system that became the SI, and the creation of an international body Conférence générale des poids et mesures or CGPM to oversee systems of weights and measures based on them.

In 1960, the CGPM launched the International System of Units (in French the Système international d'unités or SI) which had six "base units": the metre, kilogram, second, ampere, degree Kelvin (subsequently renamed the "kelvin") and candela; as well as 16 further units derived from the base units. A seventh base unit, the mole, and six additional derived units were added in succeeding years through the close of the twentieth century. During this period, the metre was redefined in terms of the speed of light, and the second was redefined in terms of the microwave frequency of a cesium atomic clock. Since the end of the 20th century, an effort has been undertaken to redefine the ampere, kilogram, mole and kelvin in terms of invariant constants of physics.

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