Question

In New York City there were two teenagers, Ali and Ibrahim. They loved solving make believe cases but this time…it was a real case. A scientist had made a giant bird, a 597 feet tall parrot to be exact that was supposed to be used to collect fruits like apples with its large pointy beak instead everything went completely wrong! It raided New york city, attacked people and worse…tore down skyscrapers higher than the empire state building injuring and killing multiple people.now it was up to ali and ibrahim to save new york city. At first they aren't sure what to do and how to save their city they think of everything ‘’maybe we should sit at the beach and think about this tomorrow i mean he is far enough’’ said ali ‘’okay you’re right ‘’ ibrahim said. While they were sitting on the sand dunes Ibrahim noticed something floating ‘’I-is that a shark?’’ said ibrahim ‘’where?’’ replied ali. Ibrahim pointed slowly towards it ‘’pfft! That!? No that is a um uh i think its a bottle?’’ it finally got caught in the seaweed ‘’see what it is.’’ Ibrahim said Ali picked up the bottle. ‘’Its a tube with blue liquid in it.’’ali said ‘’what could it be used for?’’ ‘’I know, We can ask our science chemist teacher mrs. chloe!’’ replied ibrahim. Ibrahim was very good at science thanks to his chemistry teacher. ‘’Good idea let's go, hopefully the parrot isn't close’’ they walked to school in room 123 they asked the teacher what it was. ‘’Its an antidote for a bird’’ said mrs chloe, ‘’THANK YOU SO MUCH!’’ said the boys ‘’my pleasure’’ replied mrs chloe. ‘’We can probably use this on the bird i mean it's for a bird right” ali said ‘’good idea!’’ said ibrahim “but we would need some weapons to get it in the bird.” “oh that's true well thats gonna be a problem’’ replied ali…while they were trying to get thru the warzone they finally found the military president they asked if they could tranquilize the bird and get the antidote in but the whole city was screaming and screaming they could barely hear ‘’i guess we’re going to have to do this ourselves.’’ sighed ibrahim ‘’yeah’’ said ali. As they were walking up to the truck the president put his hand in front of them ‘’we will do it’’ as they shot the antidote at the bird a giant sloth attacked the bird and got hit by the antidote. The bird was gone but the sloth became even bigger! They had to find another antidote or worse, make a new one! They went searching for scientists who could make a new antidote but the sloth had already started tearing down the city, So they decided to start developing another one on their own. But By the time they got it finished and found the sloth it was back to normal size so it had seemed the one they made before was only a temporary fix. They decided to keep the sloth in a closed glass cage to keep a close watch on it. The End
can someone write a reflection paragraph about how you would change this??

Answer 1

Answer:

In New York City there were two teenagers, Ali and Ibrahim. They loved solving make believe cases but this time…it was all bit make believe. A scientist had made a giant bird, a 100 feet tall parrot to be exact that was supposed to be used to collect fruits like apples with its large pointy beak instead everything went completely wrong! It raided New york city, attacked people and worse,tore down skyscrapers higher than the empire state building injuring and killing multiple people.Now it was up to Ali and Ibrahim to save New York City. At first they weren't sure what to do and how to save their city they thought of everything ‘’Maybe we should sit at the beach and think about this tomorrow, i mean he is far enough and i am getting tired’’ suggested Ali ‘’okay you’re right ‘’Ibrahim agreed. While they were sitting on the sand dunes Ibrahim noticed something floating ‘’I-is that a shark?’’ asked Ibrahim fear lacing his voice ‘’Where?’’ asked Ali intrigued. Ibrahim pointed slowly towards it ‘’pfft! That!? No that is a um, uh i think its a bottle?’’ Ibrahim examined when it finally got caught in the seaweed ‘’see what it is.’’ Ibrahim said Ali picked up the bottle. ‘’Its a tube with blue liquid in it.’’Ali said ‘’What could it be used for?’’Ibrahim questioned ‘’I know, We can ask our chemistry teacher Mrs. chloe!’’ replied ibrahim. Ibrahim was very good at science thanks to his chemistry teacher. ‘’Good idea let's go, hopefully the parrot isn't close’’ they walked to school in room 123 they asked the teacher what it was. ‘’Its looks like a solution for a bird’’ replied  Mrs. chloe after examining it under a test tube for a moment, ‘’THANK YOU SO MUCH!’’ said the boys ‘’my pleasure’’ replied mrs chloe. ‘’We can probably use this on the bird i mean it's for a bird right” ali said ‘’good idea!’’ said Ibrahim “but we would need some weapons to get it in the bird.” “oh that's true well thats gonna be a problem’’ replied Ali…while they were trying to get thru the warzone they finally found the military president they asked if they could tranquilize the bird and get the antidote in but the whole city was screaming and screaming they could barely hear ‘’i guess we’re going to have to do this ourselves.’’ sighed Ibrahim ‘’yeah’’ said Ali. As they were walking up to the truck the president put his hand in front of them ‘’we will do it’’ as they shot the antidote at the bird a giant sloth attacked the bird and got hit by the antidote. The bird was gone but the sloth became even bigger! They had to find another antidote or worse, make a new one! They went searching for scientists who could make a new antidote but the sloth had already started tearing down the city, So they decided to start developing another one on their own. Unfortunately ,by the time they got it finished and found the sloth it was back to normal size so it had seemed the one they made before was only a temporary fix. They decided to keep the sloth in a closed glass cage to keep a close watch on it.

Answer 2

Answer:

You could start by first explaing what they did well. You could comment on how well their plot is formed. You could say, " Well done, your plot is really good and it makes a lot of sense and your story was developed well."

Then you could comment on what they need to improve on. For example you could say " Next time, you could proof read your work and add the appropiate punction marks.

So what you should say should look like this:

Well done, ( the person's name), your plot is really good and it makes a lot of sense and your story was developed well. Next time,  you could proof read your work and add the appropiate punction marks. But aprt from that, you did a fantastic job.

Explanation: