Well I can tell you that I fixed your essay and I think you need to just shorten your words. Children who have access to the internet can easily view mature content. According to lawinsider.com, we can categorize mature content as: p*rnography, gore, hate speech, crime, and much more. In 2020, Jeanette Williams came out with her story about her 15-year-old daughter, “She was such a sweet child, until I bought her the newest iPhone. She formed an addiction to it, and would never look away from it for over 10 minutes. Then she rebelled and say harsh words and phrases. When she thought I wasn’t looking, she would open her window and jump out in order to run-off to various places. Soon after, she would return with many items; I knew she didn’t purchase these with money, as she didn’t have a job or allowance. As any parent would do, I asked her about these new habits. She said ‘borrowing,’ more commonly known as stealing, was a new trend on TikTok, and all the ‘cool kids’ were doing it. The influence of social media had on her personality was ghastly and should not be repeated by children of her age.” The negative effects of social media on children are clear and continue to grow. Children have grown to disobey their parents 30% more ever since the release of social media apps, as healthyparenting.org describes. Someone often exposed children who have premature access to social media to non-age-appropriate materials that negatively affect their personalities
At the end of paragraph 1, when the author says “First, we must develop many different ways of putting the waste from these nuclear and chemical substances in, on, and around the earth” it helps shape the reader's perception of the text as by starting to go into more details and more ideas on poisoning the Earth.
